


The Biggest Music

by Black_Knight



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21946738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Knight/pseuds/Black_Knight
Summary: On the morning of her wedding to Cameron Howe, the lines from Vonnegut’sCat’s Cradlekeep running through Donna’s mind.
Relationships: Donna Clark/Cameron Howe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	The Biggest Music

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randomizer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomizer/gifts).



On the morning of her wedding to Cameron Howe, the lines from Vonnegut’s **Cat’s Cradle** keep running through Donna’s mind.

_"Music," he said._

_"Pardon me?" I asked._

_"That's why she married him. She said his mind was tuned to the biggest music there was, the music of the stars.”_

Music. Until the day she dies, she’ll remember reading Cameron’s code for the first time. It may not be the stars, but can it be said that there is anything that has changed the modern world as much, as quickly, as computer code?

Donna had been fascinated with Cam from that point on. That fascination had outlasted everything, from the early days of Mutiny to the buyout of their last startup, from her dueling feelings of being rightly overshadowed to wrongly overshadowed, from their not particularly liking each other to falling in love.

Donna had been so happy during their Phoenix venture just to be working with Cam again. Especially since Cam had been the one to ask first, giving Donna the validation she’d needed so much. And the forgiveness. The days had just flown by: the roadmap sessions, the troubleshooting, the arguing (but never bitter), the meals Donna forced on Cam during tight deadlines because otherwise she’d never eat.

She’d been so immersed just in being with Cam again that she’d failed to notice the looks Cam was giving her. That went on until the evening she brought Cam yet another take-out dinner only to find her sleeping at her desk. That wasn’t unusual, but this time when Donna put the take-out down, she accidentally woke Cam up. A half-asleep Cam had gazed at her dreamily, put one hand on her cheek, and drawn her down for a kiss.

The next morning, Donna told herself that Cam had just been dreaming. (But, dreaming of kissing her?) It didn’t mean anything. (How could it not mean anything?) Cam probably didn’t even remember. She hoped Cam didn’t remember. (Did she really hope that?)

Whatever Donna truly hoped, Cam ended the wondering immediately by giving Donna another kiss. A fully-alert, knowing, passionate kiss that made her intentions clear.

Donna had fought. But not very hard. Sure, she knew that logically it was a terrible idea. They had only just finally mended things after years of estrangement, they were heading up a company together, and now they were going to throw sex into the equation? It could only ever end horribly.

But…her children were nearly grown, the man she’d spent most of her life with had died, and she’d marked a significant birthday. Really, it was about time for the mid-life crisis in the clichéd form of an embarrassing infatuation with a hot younger woman.

It was the music. She’d always wanted to know Cam better. Fully. She knew her in a lot of different ways, but not like that. Not like Joe did. And although Donna would never admit it, there was a satisfaction to her in the idea that Cam was now with her and not Joe.

So she went into this new phase of her relationship with Cameron Howe, and waited for it all to go wrong.

Time passed. Cam wasn’t crazy about Donna’s large, sleek, modern house. She felt even less comfortable there than she had at Joe’s swanky pad, which at least had the virtue of being smaller. But the trailer was a nonstarter for Donna. She let Cam seduce her there exactly once. The novelty of it was hot, she had to admit, but of course the novelty was gone after the one time. Still, she knew it wasn’t fair to Cam that they always had to be at Donna’s.

The solution was obvious. Cam owned the land where her trailer was parked, and had always planned to build on it. It was up to Donna whether she wanted to be a part of that or not. Donna wasn’t actually attached to her house anymore; she no longer needed such conspicuous proof of her success. Her house wasn’t even really to her tastes. But to build one together with Cam? Cam hinted at this, but as Donna repeatedly chose not to acknowledge those hints, Cam’s lips tightened more and more. She had matured enough not to have uncontrollable outbursts anymore, but her unhappiness was clear. Still, Donna let it go on until the day Bos pulled her aside during a visit to his and Diane’s home.

“You know, if you keep pushing Cam away, nobody’s going to blame her for going.”

That got to Donna. Yes, the relationship was doomed, but the end of it absolutely couldn’t be her doing. Not again. It had to be completely Cam’s fault. She’d always expected it to be Cam’s fault. But somehow, incredibly, Cam was currently being the more adult one in the relationship.

So she agreed. She worked on the blueprints with Cam and their architect, and paid half the cost. Instead of it being Cam’s house, it was their house. Nowhere was that more evident than in the rooms that Haley and Joanie could stay in, and the pool. Other things had to be discussed, but Cam agreed to both of these asks without hesitation.

Well, people in the middle of their clichéd mid-life crises did sometimes, foolishly, get very serious about their hot younger girlfriends, before said hot younger girlfriends left them for men of their own age. At least Donna couldn’t go as far as marrying Cam, and thus could spare herself that additional humiliation.

The first night in their new house, Cam pushed her down on their bed and enthusiastically made love to her. It was so good that Donna decided it was worth anything. Everything.

They lived together for several years. Then the Valentine’s Day weekend of 2004 happened: San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom ordered that same-sex marriages start being performed at City Hall. Cam, always the more impulsive one, was thrilled and wanted to join the throngs of couples waiting in line that joyous weekend to be married. Donna, always the more careful one, pointed out that a long legal battle was ahead.

The weddings in San Francisco were halted, but four years later, as a result the California Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in the state. Cam, delighted, again wanted to get married. Donna, practical (and afraid?), again pointed out that the battle was far from over.

They both watched election night coverage later that year as America elected Barack Obama President and California voted in favor of Proposition 8. Cameron cried. Donna didn’t know how she felt. Cam threw up her hands and called Joe, which made Donna feel like throwing up, and she listened as Cam and Joe bitterly bemoaned the California results. Cam joined the street protests in the aftermath of the election. Donna wasn’t much for that kind of thing, but she did donate money to the cause.

In 2013, the United States Supreme Court denied standing in _Hollingsworth v. Perry_ , thus returning marriage equality to the state of California. Cam again wanted to get married, joining Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, and Paul Katami and Jeff Zarillo, in the historic weddings. Donna rejected the idea, because it still wasn’t the law of the country.

In 2015, _Obergefell v. Hodges_ reached the U.S. Supreme Court. Donna wasn’t sure how SCOTUS would rule, but Cam was confident. Joe had assured her that Kennedy would come through again as he had twice before. As always, it irked Donna to hear Cam talk about Joe.

Annoying as Cam and Joe’s friendship was, Joe was proven right, and marriage equality finally reached all fifty states. One last time, Cam urged that they get married. And Donna knew that she had, at long last, no further way of delaying. If she had any illusions about that, they disappeared when Cam pointedly mentioned the famous actress who had oh-so-coincidentally broken up with her longtime partner after same-sex marriage was finally legalized for the whole country.

Donna and Cam had been together for nearly twenty years. Donna had to accept it: it wasn’t just a mid-life crisis on her part, and it (probably) wasn’t a passing impulse on Cam’s. They’d bickered. They’d even gone to sleep in separate bedrooms after big fights. But Cam had remained faithful all this time. She hadn’t left Donna for someone younger; she hadn’t gone back to Joe, even now that Joe had gotten the children that he wanted and so no longer needed Cam to provide them. Donna knew that she couldn’t put Cam off any longer with excuses.

And so here Donna is, on the morning of her wedding, wearing a simple white dress. Music, she thinks. It’s all the fault of that music she sensed when reading Cam’s code.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Yuletide! I admit, I was terrified to write this fic because I know how much this OTP means to you, and we don't have quite the same take on the characters. But I wanted to give you a HACF fic as one of your Christmas presents, so here you go!


End file.
